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Saturday, January 05, 2008

Poligami

Banyak perkara yang saya bincangkan dengan teman saya, gadis Kristian yang manis itu dalam perjalanan ke kedai makan tempoh hari. Kami bercerita perihal tugasan di hospital dan juga persiapannya dalam menghadapi majlis perkahwinannya tahun hadapan. Kagum saya dengan buah fikirannya tentang kepentingan memilih pasangan hidup yang seiring dan sefahaman dari segi pengamalan agama. “If you are a Godly type of person, you need to choose a Godly person, ” komennya. “Ya, accepting a person just because he loves you are not good enough. You need to choose a person who thinks in the same way as you,” saya menyambung.

“Aishah, I just want to ask you one question about Islam, about why Islam allowed a man to marry more than a woman in the same time. I really can’t accept it, “ saya terkedu sesaat dengan soalannya. Terus terang, saya belum pernah bersedia untuk menjawab soalan sedemikian.

Saya menarik nafas, diam sebentar sambil merenung wajahnya. Subhanallah.. “You mean that you don’t agree with polygamy is it?” saya menarik nafas lagi lalu menyambung, “Hm..in Al-Quran there’s a verse mentioning about polygamy: ‘Married the woman you like whether two, three or four. But if you are afraid that you can’t be fair to them, (marrying) one is enough.’ So before a man decide to marry a second wife, they need to think deeply whether they can treat the wives fairly or not. Most of people can’t be fair and I admit that there’s a lot of man practice polygamy just for the sake of ‘nafsu’. But I know several people who manage to build a harmony family with polygamy.” Teman saya mengangguk-angguk tanda faham.

“Probably you’ve heard about our Prophet Muhammad who married more than 4 women. At that time it was the early phase of Islam spread. Many people claimed that he married lot of woman because of sexual purpose. But if we know the history, almost all the women that he married were old and widowers and he married them to strengthen their faith towards Islam. Our prophet is a special case because he’s a perfect person and all the actions were guided by Allah and has its own purposes. At that time the syariat regarding polygamy also has not yet being established. He married those ladies not because of sex, but to help in strengthen his da’wah mission.”

Teman saya mengangguk-angguk lagi.

“I have a sweet history regarding how fair Prophet Muhammad was. One day, all the wives gathered in front of him and ask him who among the wives that he loves the most? Prophet Muhammad smiled and asked them to go back and will tell the person personally that she is the one who he loves the most. When all the wives went back, he bought few rings and brought them to the houses of each wives. He met every one of them personally and gave a ring to each of them and said that he loves her the most and advised everyone not to tell the others to avoid jealousy. That is the story about how fair Prophet Muhammad is and how good is his akhlaq towards his wives.” Teman saya tersenyum mendengar cerita tersebut. “It’s funny and cute,” komennya sambil tersenyum.

“I understood that almost all women can’t accept polygamy. I myself also if possible want to avoid polygamy. But I accept the fact that polygamy is one of the things that is allowed in Islam and has its own hikmah or goodness and if anybody denied it, it’s a sin.” Saya menyambung lagi.

Perbualan kami kemudianya beralih ke topik lain. Hati saya masih ditinggalkan dengan persoalan apakah saya telah menjawab soalan itu sebaiknya dan dalam masa yang sama menjaga nama baik Islam dan menyampaikan pada teman saya tentang keindahan Islam. Saya insaf betapa perlunya saya sentiasa bersedia dengan ilmu dan hujah dalam apa pun keadaan!

7 comments:

  1. Minta maaf, but that's just not possible. I don't believe in polygamy. It's not respectable to a woman in ANY sense at all - whether it's mission or for da'wah mission. If you believe that Allah create people, you'd believe that Allah is the only one - that he is a jealous God who expects you to love him and him alone. And so, emulating Allah's attributes, we should love one person and one person alone.

    Kalau nak kata the possibility kan, dulu mungkin boleh lah, permissible. Sekarang in this modern age, it is really not possible at all.

    I also think "knowing several people who manage to build a harmony family based on polygamy" is not enough - because how will you know how they feel? they may live in peace and accept it (because they have no other choice), but the women may hurt inside.

    I have a friend who's dad has a mistress i.e. a polygamous affair. My friend tells me how much hurt and pain the mother feels. She may accept the fact that he practises polygamy, but she lives with a deep-seeded PAIN.

    Saya nak benar-benar faham 'keindahan Islam' pun tak dapat kerana 'keindahan' yang tidak ambil kira perasaan orang dan consequences terhadap orang lain should be reconsidered as part of 'keindahan Islam'.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Polygamy... Manis, pahit mungkin masam? Jika diterjemah dengan akal.. pasti terdetik hati perempuan mengatakan "TAK PATUT!!" . However, it's stated in the Quran. No matter how unfair you feel, Allah permits polygamy. Still, it's not easy as it sounds..

    Quran stated strict criteria for a man to contemplate polygamy.Yang paling lelaki tidak dapat penuhi, sifat adil...

    Regarding to your friend's dad, it's unfair to judge Islam merely based on the believers. As we can see today, not all Muslims practice what is taught in Islam. I have a friend, whose father fits the criteria to poligamy. Ayah dia seorang Muslim yang baik, dan berkahwin bukan kerana nafsu.Pastinya ibu tirinya bukan seorang wanita muda yang sexy. Mereka hidup dalam keadaan gembira. Allah maha adil. Dia Maha Mengetahui siapa yang melakukan perintahNya semata-mata kerana Nya dan siapa yang mengeksploitasi perintahNya demi kepentingan diri.

    Allah tidak memaksa untuk poligami. Tapi, jika mampu, maka lakukanlah and Allah has stated in the Quran:
    If you fear lest you may not be perfectly equitable in treating more than one wife, then you shall be content with one." (4:3)

    "You cannot be equitable in a polygamous relationship, no matter how hard you try." (4:129)

    Jika kamu melakukan sesuatu kerana Allah, pasti akan datang bantuanNya. Tetapi, jika kerana nafsu, pasti akan datang balasannya.

    Keindahan Islam, ia tidak dapat dicari dengan akal. Ia perlu fahaman ilmu tentang hakikat Penciptamu dan tujuan penciptaanmu. Who is Allah? What is it with Rasulullah? Why did Allah create me? What's the purpose of life? Get married and live in luxury?....Then die? Then what?... Seek the reason on life, and then you'll see the the reason to live. The answers are in the Quran

    ReplyDelete
  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Rasanya comment Reformasi tak berkaitan dengan topik, mungkin salah post?

    ReplyDelete
  6. salam.......
    cik lydia,
    sila blaja dan pahami agama br anda berkata-kata...
    lgpun ayat cik nie "i don't believe in.." macam sister in islam jerk??...oh2x,islam dihina oleh orng islam itu sendiri...
    jawapan yg diberikan cik siti pada
    minah kristus kurang tepat tp bagus jugak coz sedari br diperingkat permulaan...lg senang bnyakkan tngok video almarhum ahmad deedat n zakir naik
    *adusss,naper laa aku xder kawan2x kristusss??

    ReplyDelete
  7. For more opinion about polygamy, click this link: http://saifulislam.com/?p=2122

    ReplyDelete

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Poligami

Banyak perkara yang saya bincangkan dengan teman saya, gadis Kristian yang manis itu dalam perjalanan ke kedai makan tempoh hari. Kami bercerita perihal tugasan di hospital dan juga persiapannya dalam menghadapi majlis perkahwinannya tahun hadapan. Kagum saya dengan buah fikirannya tentang kepentingan memilih pasangan hidup yang seiring dan sefahaman dari segi pengamalan agama. “If you are a Godly type of person, you need to choose a Godly person, ” komennya. “Ya, accepting a person just because he loves you are not good enough. You need to choose a person who thinks in the same way as you,” saya menyambung.

“Aishah, I just want to ask you one question about Islam, about why Islam allowed a man to marry more than a woman in the same time. I really can’t accept it, “ saya terkedu sesaat dengan soalannya. Terus terang, saya belum pernah bersedia untuk menjawab soalan sedemikian.

Saya menarik nafas, diam sebentar sambil merenung wajahnya. Subhanallah.. “You mean that you don’t agree with polygamy is it?” saya menarik nafas lagi lalu menyambung, “Hm..in Al-Quran there’s a verse mentioning about polygamy: ‘Married the woman you like whether two, three or four. But if you are afraid that you can’t be fair to them, (marrying) one is enough.’ So before a man decide to marry a second wife, they need to think deeply whether they can treat the wives fairly or not. Most of people can’t be fair and I admit that there’s a lot of man practice polygamy just for the sake of ‘nafsu’. But I know several people who manage to build a harmony family with polygamy.” Teman saya mengangguk-angguk tanda faham.

“Probably you’ve heard about our Prophet Muhammad who married more than 4 women. At that time it was the early phase of Islam spread. Many people claimed that he married lot of woman because of sexual purpose. But if we know the history, almost all the women that he married were old and widowers and he married them to strengthen their faith towards Islam. Our prophet is a special case because he’s a perfect person and all the actions were guided by Allah and has its own purposes. At that time the syariat regarding polygamy also has not yet being established. He married those ladies not because of sex, but to help in strengthen his da’wah mission.”

Teman saya mengangguk-angguk lagi.

“I have a sweet history regarding how fair Prophet Muhammad was. One day, all the wives gathered in front of him and ask him who among the wives that he loves the most? Prophet Muhammad smiled and asked them to go back and will tell the person personally that she is the one who he loves the most. When all the wives went back, he bought few rings and brought them to the houses of each wives. He met every one of them personally and gave a ring to each of them and said that he loves her the most and advised everyone not to tell the others to avoid jealousy. That is the story about how fair Prophet Muhammad is and how good is his akhlaq towards his wives.” Teman saya tersenyum mendengar cerita tersebut. “It’s funny and cute,” komennya sambil tersenyum.

“I understood that almost all women can’t accept polygamy. I myself also if possible want to avoid polygamy. But I accept the fact that polygamy is one of the things that is allowed in Islam and has its own hikmah or goodness and if anybody denied it, it’s a sin.” Saya menyambung lagi.

Perbualan kami kemudianya beralih ke topik lain. Hati saya masih ditinggalkan dengan persoalan apakah saya telah menjawab soalan itu sebaiknya dan dalam masa yang sama menjaga nama baik Islam dan menyampaikan pada teman saya tentang keindahan Islam. Saya insaf betapa perlunya saya sentiasa bersedia dengan ilmu dan hujah dalam apa pun keadaan!

7 comments:

  1. Minta maaf, but that's just not possible. I don't believe in polygamy. It's not respectable to a woman in ANY sense at all - whether it's mission or for da'wah mission. If you believe that Allah create people, you'd believe that Allah is the only one - that he is a jealous God who expects you to love him and him alone. And so, emulating Allah's attributes, we should love one person and one person alone.

    Kalau nak kata the possibility kan, dulu mungkin boleh lah, permissible. Sekarang in this modern age, it is really not possible at all.

    I also think "knowing several people who manage to build a harmony family based on polygamy" is not enough - because how will you know how they feel? they may live in peace and accept it (because they have no other choice), but the women may hurt inside.

    I have a friend who's dad has a mistress i.e. a polygamous affair. My friend tells me how much hurt and pain the mother feels. She may accept the fact that he practises polygamy, but she lives with a deep-seeded PAIN.

    Saya nak benar-benar faham 'keindahan Islam' pun tak dapat kerana 'keindahan' yang tidak ambil kira perasaan orang dan consequences terhadap orang lain should be reconsidered as part of 'keindahan Islam'.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Polygamy... Manis, pahit mungkin masam? Jika diterjemah dengan akal.. pasti terdetik hati perempuan mengatakan "TAK PATUT!!" . However, it's stated in the Quran. No matter how unfair you feel, Allah permits polygamy. Still, it's not easy as it sounds..

    Quran stated strict criteria for a man to contemplate polygamy.Yang paling lelaki tidak dapat penuhi, sifat adil...

    Regarding to your friend's dad, it's unfair to judge Islam merely based on the believers. As we can see today, not all Muslims practice what is taught in Islam. I have a friend, whose father fits the criteria to poligamy. Ayah dia seorang Muslim yang baik, dan berkahwin bukan kerana nafsu.Pastinya ibu tirinya bukan seorang wanita muda yang sexy. Mereka hidup dalam keadaan gembira. Allah maha adil. Dia Maha Mengetahui siapa yang melakukan perintahNya semata-mata kerana Nya dan siapa yang mengeksploitasi perintahNya demi kepentingan diri.

    Allah tidak memaksa untuk poligami. Tapi, jika mampu, maka lakukanlah and Allah has stated in the Quran:
    If you fear lest you may not be perfectly equitable in treating more than one wife, then you shall be content with one." (4:3)

    "You cannot be equitable in a polygamous relationship, no matter how hard you try." (4:129)

    Jika kamu melakukan sesuatu kerana Allah, pasti akan datang bantuanNya. Tetapi, jika kerana nafsu, pasti akan datang balasannya.

    Keindahan Islam, ia tidak dapat dicari dengan akal. Ia perlu fahaman ilmu tentang hakikat Penciptamu dan tujuan penciptaanmu. Who is Allah? What is it with Rasulullah? Why did Allah create me? What's the purpose of life? Get married and live in luxury?....Then die? Then what?... Seek the reason on life, and then you'll see the the reason to live. The answers are in the Quran

    ReplyDelete
  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Rasanya comment Reformasi tak berkaitan dengan topik, mungkin salah post?

    ReplyDelete
  6. salam.......
    cik lydia,
    sila blaja dan pahami agama br anda berkata-kata...
    lgpun ayat cik nie "i don't believe in.." macam sister in islam jerk??...oh2x,islam dihina oleh orng islam itu sendiri...
    jawapan yg diberikan cik siti pada
    minah kristus kurang tepat tp bagus jugak coz sedari br diperingkat permulaan...lg senang bnyakkan tngok video almarhum ahmad deedat n zakir naik
    *adusss,naper laa aku xder kawan2x kristusss??

    ReplyDelete
  7. For more opinion about polygamy, click this link: http://saifulislam.com/?p=2122

    ReplyDelete