Andai Aku Pergi

Tubuh saya terasa lemah, tangan menggigil menerima berita buruk tempoh hari, pemergian seorang sahabat yang juga 'junior' semasa di universiti dan pernah menjadi rakan sekerja dalam kemalangan jalan raya yang ngeri.

Dia seorang gadis manis, yang sentiasa tersenyum bila berpapasan, bisa bergurau dalam berbual dan selalu bertutur lembut. Sungguhpun tidak terlalu rapat, tapi mengenalinya sejak di universiti dan seterusnya di alam kerja, saya rasa selesa dengan nya.

Baru 2 hari sebelumnya saya berbicara dengan dia melalui telefon, semasa dia merujuk sebuah kes dari hospital daerah pada jam 1 pagi. Saya bercakap dengan tegas, mengarahkan untuk menghantar pesakit ke hospital selepas distabilkan. Kesal pada diri sendiri yang terlalu sibuk dan tidak dalam 'mood' untuk beramah mesra pada awal pagi tersebut, sehingga saya tidak terluahkan ayat "Apa khabar?" terhadap beliau.

Terlintas di hati saya, andai saya pergi, adakah saya telah mempersiapkan diri saya dengan sebaiknya sebagai hamba? Adakah saya telah melaksanakan amanah yang diberi dengan sebaiknya? Adakah saya sempat mengucapkan sayang dan memberi bakti kepada mereka yang saya cintai? Andai saya pergi sekarang, apakah nasib saya di sana nanti, adakah baik atau buruk?

Sungguh benarlah firman Allah yang bermaksud:
"Dan bagi tiap-tiap umat ada ajal (yang telah ditetapkan); maka apabila datang ajalnya, tidak dapat mereka dikemudiankan walau sesaatpun, dan tidak dapat pula mereka didahulukan." (al-A’raf : 34)

Sungguh, rahsia Allah tiada siapa yang dapat mengetahuinya. Bilakah kita akan mati? Di mana? Bagaimana caranya? Adakah mati kita dalam husnul khatimah (amin..) atau su'ul khatimah (nauzubillah? Aduhai hati, oleh kerana kita sungguh-sungguh tidak mengetahuinya, kenapa kita masih tidak mempersiapkan diri selayaknya? Kenapa masih cinta dunia, lalai dalam ibadah, tidak mensyukuri nikmah?

Bicara Ustaz Pahrol dalam siri ulangan Mukmin Profesional semalam terkesan di hati saya, di mana beliau berkata: "Orang yang ingat mati, dirinya akan lebih produktif!"
Bagaimana bisa orang yang takutkan mati menjadi begitu produktif? Kerana dia yakin dia akan menemui Tuhan nya, dan dia mengusahakan sesuatu baik ibadah khusus atau umum (pekerjaannya) dengan cara yang terbaik semata-mata kerana Tuhan nya. Maka jadilah dia orang yang produktif.

Ya Allah, matikanlah saya dengan kesudahan yang baik iaitu dengan kalimah Lailaha illallah, janganlah matikan saya dengan kesudahn yang buruk ya Allah.

Semoga Allah menempatkan sahabat saya di kalangan orang yang solehah, diberi ganjaran kebaikan atas pengorbanannya berbakti merawat pesakit selama ini. Amin...

Padan Muka Saya

Betapa kecewanya hati saya, ibarat seorang pencinta yang ditinggalkan yang dicintainya. Sedih, pedih dengan keputusan yang saya terima pada awal April lalu. Hilang selera, hilang gembira, bertambah kecewa. Hingga nampak jelas pada teman sekeliling betapa dukanya saya, hingga menitis juga air mata kala sendirian. Mana tidaknya, hati saya telah benar-benar berharap, bercita-cita, namun tidak kesampaian! Alangkah malangnya saya!

Tapi Dia sentiasa 'memujuk' dengan kalam-Nya, menampakkan hikmah-Nya yang selama ini tersembunyi. Selepas dua hari menelan kecewa, menyulam redha, saya akur bahawa saya hamba, dan diri saya dalam gengaman-Nya. Selepas dua hari bermain dengan rasa penafian (denial), saya mendapat kekuatan membuat panggilan telefon bertanyakan apa sebabnya saya gagal mendapat tempat melanjutkan pelajaran dalam Ijazah Sarjana setelah dua kali saya mencuba. Penjelasannya pendek namun jelas, saya tidak lulus ujian kemasukan meskipun mendapat markah yang baik dalam temuduga. Alhamdulillah, lega dan hilang seluruh beban, redha bertamu. Memang salah saya sendiri yang kurang bersedia, kurang membaca. Saya akur, untuk menjadi seorang yang pakar jalannya bukan mudah, pasti bersulam payah. Mana mungkin boleh dihadapi jika jiwa saya masih belum sedia! Saya mula muhasabah kembali niat diri. Oh, dalam kesibukan saya mengejar cita, saya lupa memperbaharui niat saya. Kenapa saya benar-benar mahukannya, adakah kerana Allah semata-mata sepertimana yang saya janjikan sejak mula dulu. Adakah masih lurus niat ini atau sudah berbelok ke kanan kiri. Allah Maha Tahu apa yang terbaik untuk saya dan Maha Tahu masa yang sesuai. Allah juga memberi kepada seseorang mengikut usaha nya. Manakan nasib berubah jika sendiri tidak mengubahnya. Hukamak juga berkata, Man jadda wajada wa man zara'a hasada... Nah, padan muka saya yang tinggi cita-cita tapi tak mahu berusaha. Rasailah sendiri akibatnya, jangan salahkan sesiapa. Terima kasih ya Allah kerana menyedarkan saya yang selalu lupa. Saya ingin lebih kuat berusaha dan selalu membersihkan nawaitu jua. Moga pintu rezeki-Nya sentiasa terbuka penuh barakah dah kasih sayang dari-Nya. Amin....

When He Test Me

Ameen was recently discharge from hospital. He was admitted due to pneumonia. In layman term, pneumonia is known as lung infection. The illness started 3 weeks before where Ameen started to have fever. I thought it was just a usual viral infection which will recover spontaneously. However, the fever seems to be persistent with his flu and occassional cough. The worries then came and I started antibiotic on my own then the fever subsided. 4 days later, he developed another spike of fever which alarm us to bring Ameen to paediatrician. The paediatrician reassure us that the fever is nothing serious and the lung was ok and start him on another course of antibiotic. The fever subsided then but recurr after 2 days but relieved with Paracetamol.
On 23rd February, i noticed that Ameen had persistent fever and was breathing quite fast. When I auscultate his lung, it was quite clear and that was a reassurance for me to do my oncall the next day. When I was busy reviewing patients in emergency department that night, my husband called and said that Ameen was very weak the whole day and the breathing doesn't look good. I ask Abu Ameen to send him quickly to hospital.
Ameen arrived to hospital, breathing fast with some chest recession and appear less cheerful. I then realized that the day before i was actually denial that my child illness was serious. Seeing his condition, I have a feeling that he will be admitted that night. I was very stressed up, conflicting between my worry of my son and my resposibility as an oncall doctor. I was no longer giving my concentration on my duty. I cried in heart and called my colleague asking an urgent replacement. Alhamdulillah, Allah gave me very helpful collegue, who replace my duty thus gave me chance to be with my little one. They are my non muslim collegues, who was really helpful and supportive. I remember 4 years ago when my father passed away, I asked help from a muslim friend to arrange my coming oncall in 2 days time because I was in grieve and need time to be with family, but she disappoint me and ask me to arrange it on my own! I was really upset receiving the answer. How could a muslim sister disappoint another sister who is in grieve? That was the previous story but I still remember it until now.
Back to Ameen, he recovered well after 3 days of intravenous antibiotic and 4 hourly nebulisation. After the discharge, he was more active and started walking actively for the first time and playing in the house. I thank Allah for all His Mercy to Ameen.

Points for me to learn:
1. Never ignore your child sickness. Always get help before it's too late. I have seen few babies succumb due to late presentation for medical attention and that was very sad.
2. Always be helpful to others because it is Prophet Muhammad's teaching. We also might need help from others in future.
3. Allah test his servant only within our capability. Be strong, don't sigh, Allah is always there!

Happy Cloth-diapering!

Ameen is very near to his first birthday. He is now a big, smart and cute boy and currently on his most active phase, climbing and crawling even though he has not yet walking independently. I’ve always thinking of sharing my experience in cloth-diapering Ameen for the reason of sharing one good thing that I have experienced myself.

What is Cloth-diaper (CD)

In my own word; cloth-diaper is a washable diapers that is made from cloth (special fabric) with the inner part made from baby friendly material (e.g fleece, microfleece, bamboo, suede ect) and outer part made from breathable and waterproof material. It has an inner which made from highly absorbent fabrics (microfiber, bamboo, hemp, zorb ect) to absorb our baby’s pee. The CD has few types; pockets, all in one and all in two.

Why CD?

There are lots of benefits from CD that people always said:
1. Cost-saving – for the fact that it is reusable not only for the same baby but can also be used in other children.
2. Environmental friendly – it can reduce waste and prevent pollution.
3. Healthy and natural – It reduced the nappy rash and keep baby comfortable.
For me, money is not really an issue but keeping Ameen away from rashes is the most important aim and I am hoping by cloth-diapering, I can contribute to a better and healthy environment.



Initiating in Cloth-diapering

Decision to use cloth-diapers (CD) for Ameen had been made since antenatal period, considering that it is environmental friendly and cost-saving. Furthermore, my sister Borneoclothdiapers is running an online business selling CD had talk to me a lot of things about the benefits of CD. 10 CDs had been prepared before Ameen was born. Ameen was only weigh 2.8kg when he was born, making the CD quite bulky for him, so disposable diapers were used temporarily. Unfortunately, he developed nappy rashes, quite bad one. He was then changed to CD and alhamdulillah the rash resolved in few days. He gets used well with the CDs and of course wearing it made him looks super cute!

Challenges

When Ameen started to be sent to nursery, the challenge comes. The caretaker was complaining on the CD usage, they ‘claimed’ or they ‘thought’ that his sleep was disturbed because wearing CD causing discomfort to him and they have to use their disposable diapers stock for Ameen! I was quite disappointed and after some explanation given to the babysitter, about how little Ameen get a very bad rash due to disposable diapers, they luckily understood and never used disposable diapers anymore.
During raining season, sometimes I can’t avoid using disposable diapers as I only wash the CD every 2-3 days (I’m a busy mother with a big work commitment). But I will always make sure I apply rash cream on Ameen and use liners with disposable diapers. Thanks to my helpful husband who always help me to wash it alternately and make it possible for me to use CD despite my busy life as a doctor.

Myth about CD

CD is not a popular ‘thing’ among parents. Some might think that it is troublesome especially for the fact that it need to be washed (compared to disposable diapers that can just be thrown away). Some also think that the cloth-diapering parents are stingy and calculative to their own child. Some ironically think that using CD is a waste and cosy.

For me, I have experienced the benefits and I do think that CD should be the choice for every parents. Hopefully my small contribution in reducing the waste from usage of disposable diapers will be counted as a part of ibadah to Allah, Amin…

For more information about clothdiapers, visit Malaysian Clothdiapering Parents at Facebook.